$7 toilet water

All coffee tastes exactly the same to me – like something no human should ever drink.

Paying $7 for a cup of it seems like a Bernie Madoff-level rip-off.

I can’t tell the difference between a cup of instant coffee brewed with musk ox vomit and the most expensive, most artisanal yuppie cup.

All taste exactly the same to me: like foul poison.