To all the liberals and other assorted idiots who advocate silly, puerile shit like banning straws in the face of the vast calamity ahead of us: fuck you very much. You are the problem. You are no better than climate change deniers in the grand scheme of things. You are not part of the resistance, the revolution, or anything otherwise useful. You are water carriers for the 1%, all of whom will dance on your graves when you are gone and who will laugh from their armored New Zealand enclaves as your children starve. Get the fuck outta here with your straw bans and organic quinoa.