Apr 01

Looking glass pass

It’s not that I’d ever be in a relationship with someone that I find completely unattractive, but I don’t pick potential partners by how beautiful they are; beauty fades, and what remains is what matters.wheat

That said, at the end of high school I dated for a while a girl who was extremely physically attractive. She had silky natural blonde hair the color of sunset on wheat, long muscular legs and a smile that could stun a rhino into submission mid-charge.

The thing is, she had fairly bad self-esteem because as lovely and frankly gorgeous as she was, her two sisters — well, they were two apollonian goddesses elevated into the apotheosis of physical pulchritude by benevolent aliens from planet Beatific Excess. The entire family was an inexplicable genetic freakshow in that sense, especially as none of them looked a bit like their parents. However, my girlfriend was always compared to her sisters by herself and by others, and she felt that she always came up lacking.

Don’t get me wrong — I was glad to be dating her rather than either of her sisters. Her personality was a match for mine. Neither of her sisters really shared many of my interests or tendencies, though both were very nice and I did like the both of them really quite a lot and we got along very well.

hippie-yeah7But as for looks, neither of the sisters ever wore make-up (And before any freak-outs occur, I know this for a fact — I was often there when all three of them got ready in the morning and it was a very hippie household, so doors were usually wide open, and in fact many of the rooms had no doors at all) and were so attractive that makeup would’ve actually made them look a lot worse. To bring it into the real world, the two of them both looked like Evangeline Lilly, but about twice as lovely and as physically fit.

My girlfriend “only” looked like Evangeline Lilly. Only. (Really, she did, but with blonde hair.)

She recounted to me once a story about an old man who had lost all ability to hold his tongue who had visited one day, and how upon seeing her two sisters he said something like, “My word, you girls are plum beautiful!”

And then my girlfriend walked up, and the old dude when introduced to her said, “But what in the world happened to you?”

Yeah, that probably doesn’t make one feel very good I’d imagine. Amazing how much creatures of relative rank we humans are since as I’ve my noted my girlfriend was prettier than about 99% of well-known Hollywood actresses easily. But next to her sisters to some people (but not to me) she looked like a cave troll.

I’m so tired tonight that I probably wouldn’t have even written the above if I weren’t about to drop, as it’s a touchy topic for understandable reasons. But I’ve never dated for beauty, and I don’t really have a “type,” a concept that I think is idiotic. My type is “intelligent and not too unhealthy to go hiking and outdoors with me” if I could be said to have one at all.

(Or rather, my type is my current partner — she is one of a kind in all the best ways.)

My point is lost, I think, in the exhaustion. But for a young, previously-unloved adolescent it was a whole different world sitting on the couch watching a movie with one barely-clothed girl on one side leaning on you (hippie house — no AC in Florida!), and her equally barely-clothed sister leaning on you un-selfconsciously and companionably on the other side because you are her friend and it feels natural.

Or all piling into a bed together because it seemed like the right idea and hey, there’s the bed and we’re all tired (not in a sexual sense but because, hippies.)

Why can’t I stop writing when I am tired? Ramble, ramble.

Mar 31

Young Birdy

Birdy covering Bon Iver’s “Skinny Love.” I don’t even like the original song, but her version is great. She was amazingly only 14 when this was song was sung and the video filmed.

Mar 22

Sad day

I’m very sad today as I will be forced by annoyance to stop reading one of my favorite blogs as it has gone to the terrible “Read More” format where you cannot see the entire post.

Why do that? I just don’t get it.

Mar 22

Sex up and out

I don’t have a fully-formed opinion about this whole PyCon/SendGrid mess, but it did remind me of something that I’ve been thinking about for a while.

I think it’s dangerous and actually harmful to women if we make talking or joking about sex verboten anywhere in a woman’s presence, and that this automatically be sexual harassment. This is also highly exclusionary and in no way will help women in the workplace or in the social sphere.

After all, what woman hasn’t heard, “Oh, I would tell that joke/say that word/share that story, but she’s here?” I bet not a single one. I’m a man, and I’ve heard guys say that to women hundreds of times in my life.

See, I don’t want to treat women like special snowflakes where talking about sex besmirches their dainty ears. No, I want to treat them like friends, confidantes, associates — like humans, in other words. Like regular ol’ people, no different from anyone, male or not.

I just can’t buy into the argument that making sexual jokes ever, anywhere where a woman might possibly hear, is and should be a forbidden act. If jokes about sex are inherently sexist, then sex itself is inherently sexist. And that doesn’t seem correct to me.

And if jokes about sex is a forbidden act, it should be mutual. I have a female (non-IT) co-worker who makes more penis jokes than is probably sane.

As for me, I don’t really joke at work, and I never talk about sex, religion or politics. I’m not an idiot, is why.

That said, I do fully recognize that “harmless” sexual jokes have and continue to be used to attempt to belittle and stigmatize women. That is not lost on me. My general rule is I never talk about sex or joke about sex with someone who I wouldn’t take a bullet for. That is a very short list, needless to say.

I’m not sure what my point is. It just seems like we should have more choices other than rigid roboticism or evil harasser when dealing with others, at work or in a social setting.

I don’t have good answers. We live in a sexist society and many men are in fact vile sexists. But that doesn’t change the fact that it is harmful to women to treat them like fragile flowers whose wilting little minds can’t stand to hear the word “dongle” used in a juvenile way.

Mar 21

BB

No clue what instrument Basia Bulat is playing here. As a commenter sort-of notes, it looks like a combination of a hammered dulcimer and auto harp. I have never seen anything like it before.

What a voice, too.

Too much drums in this mix, but also what a great song:

Mar 21

ZomGoth

A zombie goth Lisa Mitchell.

She has such an amazingly expressive face. Wonder if she’d ever think of trying acting?

Mar 20

PI

Anyone who doesn’t realize this about DRM must be — as they say where I’m from in North Florida — a plum idiot.

As he spells out in detail, the point of DRM isn’t to stop illegal copying, it’s to stop legal forms of innovation from taking place.

How is this not obvious to everyone? DRM is busted completely when one person cracks it. And one person will always crack it. However, that does nothing to prevent the market manipulation that the piece discusses, which is the whole point of DRM in the first place.

Why do you think Amazon locks up your books, and makes them hard to read except in their own hardware and software? Figuring out the reason why will lead to the path of enlightenment on DRM and its true reason for existing.

Mar 20

Ain’t lion

I dreamed I had a pet mountain lion last night. That was a big kitty cat. It slept on a shelf near the bed. Now I miss my pet mountain lion.

Mar 19

Connected

I was looking at this thread on Hubski of people sharing music and noticed that — as usual — there is not a single female artist listed.

I have no idea if any of the music mentioned is good or not. That’s not the point. It’s that 90% of the time in threads like this, or in music reviews, that no women ever get their names dropped. Not a single one. Meanwhile, amazing women artists like this or this go completely unacknowledged. (And I hate even having to use the term “women artists,” as that serves as some sort of false delineation — these artists are amazing, period. Wild Flag might be the best fucking pure rock band I’ve ever heard.)

And then I read this, about empathy for women, and others different from whoever we happen to be, and I realized these facts are connected. In a thread about music you’re into, rarely does a guy mention any women and how that is all wrapped up in and related to how little empathy there is for women in general when something bad happens to them.

It makes me ask, how dumb are people? How dumb are most men? I realized when I was about five years old that the differences between me and my female classmates was nearly nil, that the personality differences between each individual girl absolutely swamped any probably-non-existent gender differences (I didn’t think about it so complexly then, but I did think it.) I was a child and this was obvious to me.

Ah, all of this makes me so furious. Can’t write about it much longer.

Instead, let’s watch Wild Flag tear the hell out of a song. That double guitar solo at the end. Holy shite, that is so double-glazed glossy.

 

Mar 17

How to tell that your job will not last

If there is a specific series of buttons your press or actions that you do to complete more than 50% of your work, your job is probably in peril.

And by “buttons you press,” this could mean entering certain fields in an Excel file, actual physical buttons, or even regular actions that don’t involve buttons at all. It could involve making accounting entries, transcribing videos, etc. Doesn’t matter.

There is someone out there right now who is probably writing the code to replace you.

I know that is harsh, but that is the reality of it. The world we live in doesn’t have to reflect our wishes, desires or the best outcomes. And that’s the world as it’s arriving.