By | April 29, 2014

I was just thinking about some of the crazy ridiculous shit I did in elementary school that would get me expelled or perhaps even arrested if I were in school now.

There was this kid – a total snot whose parents were rich – who taunted me and others on the playground constantly. One day at recess I was throwing the packaging of my snack away at and he punched in the side of my head a few times and said, “What are you gonna do, shrimp? What you gonna do?”

His friends laughed.

I’d had enough of that so I rushed him and picked him up and threw him in the metal drum garbage can.

I wasn’t allowed to go to recess for two weeks after that.

The kid in question never talked to me again, not in the seven more years that we went to school together.

Another was this hideous kid who – though I didn’t really know what to make of it at the time – held one of my female friends down and sexually assaulted her. He basically spent about 20 or 30 seconds pawing at her crotch through her pants. She was crying hysterically.

The teachers broke it up. I only saw the last of it or I would’ve broken it up myself.

Anyway, I wanted revenge for her, but he always had a pack of too many friends that I couldn’t take on alone and everyone else was afraid of him. One day not long after I was swinging on the swings and noticed this kid kept running by.

Good opportunity for an air strike.

So I started swinging as high as I could and when he ran by, I jumped off at the highest point and landed right on top of him. I think my knee hit his head, even.

I got hurt nearly as bad as he did, but I got in fights all the time and was expecting it, so whatever.

But he was bleeding in multiple places, and barely conscious. Thinking about it now, I’m honestly surprised I didn’t hurt him worse than I did.

I played it off like it was an accident, hobbled back to the classroom, and didn’t even get in trouble for it.

Later that week his friends beat me up pretty badly, but them’s the breaks.

Thinking about it now, I realize this kid had probably been sexually abused or witnessed sexual abuse at home, but my thinking about it wasn’t that sophisticated then.

I’m not proud of those things. Growing up a misfit in rural, very backwards North Florida in the early 80s was a violent life, that’s all.

Those are some things that happened. There are many more stories like them.