Not sighted

Iโ€™ve stopped reading about two dozen or so sites now since theyโ€™ve gone to a non-blog magazine-style format. Iโ€™ve stopped reading another dozen or so because theyโ€™ve implemented โ€œRead moreโ€ or โ€œContinue readingโ€ links where you canโ€™t see the entire article without clicking through.

At this rate, soon I will be able to read nothing.

Thatโ€™s okay โ€“ as the internet becomes more corporate-controlled and more about social BS, it becomes far less useful to me anyway.

Degrees Negative

Iโ€™ve hired a lot of people in my life. Iโ€™ve been in management or partial-management positions since I was 23.

And I can tell you that if you insist that every person hired โ€“ whether it be receptionist, file clerk or janitor โ€“ have a college degree, all that means is that the very minute those degreed individuals find a better job more aligned to their skills and interests, they will be gone often without even giving notice.

And then you will be stuck.

Does it really make any sense that every job requires a degree? Especially since as from what Iโ€™ve seen most colleges teach very little useful (that is to say, you get out of education what you put into it, and most 18-year-old kids have no idea what the hell is going on).

Aging

I just canโ€™t understand this outlook.

The older I get, the more I realize that the crappy part of aging is not the weird physical pains, the wrinkles, or the receding hairlines but the slow process of realizing that none of the things you wanted to do with your life are actually going to happen. It’s that moment when you look at your surroundings and realize, This is it for me. This is as far as I’m going to get. You look at the goals you had and the things you wanted to do and you realize that not only are they unlikely to happen, but they’re unlikely to happen because you aren’t good enough to accomplish them.

I like the site, but frankly I find this sort of view and approach to life idiotic.

Perhaps it only applies to people who when young (in academia, in the writerโ€™s case) thought they were going to be stars in their field?

Being a star in any field is as much serendipity as it is skill and dedication. If you go through life expecting to be a star, you will always, always be disappointed.

My life is a fucking gift; I grew up poor in the sticks of Florida. I thought by the time I was 30 Iโ€™d either be dead or in jail. If my 15-year-old self could see me now, heโ€™d be awed and impressed I think โ€“ by the things I have done and by who I am.

I love my current life and I make it better all the time. I work at it. I have an ensorcelling, unbelievably lovely, vibrantly intelligent and questing partner. I have few friends, but one close one who is one of the most clever, loyal and interesting people Iโ€™ve ever met. She is the beeโ€™s knees.

Iโ€™ve been to interesting places. Iโ€™ve done things few people have done. Iโ€™ve consorted with fascinating and beautiful women, all of whom were supposedly โ€œout of my league,โ€ but shit, I have my own league and have never had any problems finding teammates to play in it.

Iโ€™ve learned about what Iโ€™ve desired to learn about. Iโ€™ve explored and been awed by nature and the universe; Iโ€™ve seen and done things few people get to see and do. And I plan to keep doing so until the day I die.

As I said, my life is a gift. Every day that I get to do the things I want to do, to read the books I want to read, and to spend time with my partner โ€“ a great day. Iโ€™m so very lucky and I know it, and when I read something like the above I really savor it. I hold onto it and realize what I have and how far Iโ€™ve come.

However, if I spent all my time whining about how I wasnโ€™t a star yet, and might never be, then I imagine my life would indeed seem pretty miserable, and going downhill as I got older.

Sounds terrible.

Iโ€™ll take my quiet, wonderful life with time for what I want to do, not the one worrying about external expectations and my status or not as a star in some field or other that in reality few others care or know about.

But thatโ€™s just me.

Friend

I have generally enjoyed this series, though one part of it bothered me enough that I almost stopped reading it.

First, itโ€™s a generally very gender-equitable set of books. Even most far-future (which this is not) sf seems to be content for some reason with 1950s gender dynamics. But many of the most powerful people in the books are women, and itโ€™s telling how far we are from that ideal we are that Iโ€™m a bit surprised (both as a result of my own cultural training and how 1950s-compliant most sf is) when an admiral in the Martian navy for example turns out to be female.

All that said, there is one part of the book where a major character states that the only reason two men want to be friends with a female space marine is that they want to sleep with her. Not a reason. The only reason.

Never mind that sheโ€™s intelligent and fearless and incredibly loyal and brave beyond all measuring. Never mind any of those things. Itโ€™s her vagina that makes them want to get to know her.

Oh, bullshit. I am so damn tired of all of this, and all those who believe it.

Even after people disprove it so many times in their own lives, they still insist on believing it for some reason. Why, just why? Itโ€™s so limiting and so stupid.

Not that finding a friend attractive is wrong! Itโ€™s not at all. Itโ€™s human. I find many of my female friends very attractive. And hello, thatโ€™s for a reason! Itโ€™s because they are fucking awesome!

And on purely the physical side, I have a not-that-close friend in St. Pete who looks like some illustratorโ€™s cartoon of an attractive woman. But thatโ€™s not why I befriended her, and I cannot stand to be around people I donโ€™t like even for one second (as anyone who has met me surely knows).

I know I am atypical and not the best example, but still I just canโ€™t understand why people who seem otherwise sane believe that men and women canโ€™t be friends*, and it not be about sex. If sex happens, such is life. I can think of worse things than friends having sex, you know?

About the books, if you just ignore that part I mentioned, the first two are pretty good if you go in for that sort of thing.

*And I intentionally didn’t use the odious phrase “just friends.” Some of the best times of my life have happened with “just friends.”

Alien

I couldโ€™ve been this guy, a true isolato, but more than anything this piece made me recall someone from my childhood whom I havenโ€™t thought about in years.

Believing I was an Alien was a natural conclusion for someone that continually failed to find a place to belong. Concluding I was an Alien was yet another way my identity as an outsider was re-inforced. No wonder I couldn’t relate to humans, we weren’t even the same damn species.

When I was ten, I informed everyone who would listen to me in my fifth grade class that I was an alien and would one day return to my home planet.

I think some of these kids actually liked me and even after that some of them still attempted to befriend me in sort of amused befuddlement, so perhaps they werenโ€™t as bad as I thought then.

Anyway, thatโ€™s how I acquired the nickname โ€œAlienโ€ that lasted for a few years.

About this time, I met a girl who I really liked. Well, much more than liked, to be fair. I think she also quite liked me. Neither of us really knew what to do with that, though, being 10 and all.

Her name was Anna. I donโ€™t really want to know what happened to her, as after that year I never saw her again. She moved away. I want to believe she did something amazing and that her life is as glowing as she was.

She wasnโ€™t the prettiest, nor even the smartest, but there was something ineffable, indefinable, about her. I am always tempted to believe that the clichรฉ of love at first sight is ridiculous, until I remember Anna. I loved her fiercely the very first moment I saw her and heard her speak.

And if you think someone that young cannot love, then you are very wrong. It diminishes the humanity of a person that just because they are young (and I was no normal ten-year-old, not by a long shot, for that matter) to believe that emotions at that age are not real, and not fully realized.

Anna had the quickest wit of anyone Iโ€™ve ever met. She seemed aware of everything going on around her at all times. And she just seemed so alive, in her too-big tennis shoes and funny socks. There arenโ€™t really words for these ideas, not in any language. The grass got three shades greener when she walked across it. The sun borrowed energy from her. Thatโ€™s how it seemed in my mind at the time. That no one else seemed to notice at all just boggled my young mind.

Anyway, this story does have a point.

Children have their own lives, which adults rarely understand and really are better off not knowing about. Itโ€™s always been that way and probably always will be.

One day my grandmother and I were walking through the grocery store, the usual weekly shopping trip. We turn down an aisle and I see Anna.

We were quite friendly by this time, having talked on the phone quite a bit even after school and such, so she greets me warmly. Except she doesnโ€™t use my given name.

She says, โ€œHey, Alien, whatโ€™s up?โ€

Anna said just about everything with nearly unbridled mirth. It was like she was constantly laughing โ€“ not at you, or anything in particular, just that she found the universe amusing in the most amicable way and wanted to share it, to help everyone else to see it.

That barely contained mirthful joy behind her laughing dancing eyes is what I noticed the first time I ever saw her.

So in the aisle Anna and I chatted for a bit but my grandmother was getting impatient so we said our goodbyes.

I noticed the confusion on my grandmotherโ€™s face as she said, โ€œAlien? Did she mispronounce your middle name?โ€

My middle name is โ€œAlan,โ€ as I am sure most reading this know.

I said, โ€œNo, Gran, she didnโ€™t mispronounce my name. Itโ€™s a long story. You wouldnโ€™t really understand anyway.โ€

My grandmother loved me, but she cared a great deal about being normal, of fitting into the routine. Anything that disturbed that normalcy was a threat. She never would have understood me being โ€œAlienโ€ or anything about that.

Anna, though — she liked me more because I was Alien in the sense of an appellation and as an accurate descriptor of my relation to the rest of humanity. When Anna saw me more clearly she liked me better โ€“ the first time that had ever really happened to me. Iโ€™d like to think she felt that reciprocated when I looked at her.

I am very glad I was Alien to Anna, wherever she is now.

Wow

Wow, OMG, Windows 8 lets your run two applications at once!

Holy shit! Will the innovations never cease!

Yeah, ok, my Windows 7 allows me to run as many applications as I have memory and processing power to run, all at the same time. Amazing.

For instance, right now I have nine different applications up that I am actually using and/or looking at.

Usually itโ€™s much more but I rebooted my computer not too long ago.

Funny that multi-tasking is being taken away, and then sort-of given back, and presented like itโ€™s something new.

Nym

In the army, my nickname was โ€œChillโ€ due to my laid-back nature.

But in basic training, my nickname was โ€œPsychoโ€ due to a fight I got into, or rather that someone chose to get into with me.

I guess to them it seemed safe to pick on someone about half their size.

I believe thatโ€™s the only time Iโ€™ve ever put someone in the hospital.

And nope, I donโ€™t regret it a bit. Iโ€™d do it again. Bullies should be smacked down, hard.

The drill sergeants actually thanked me afterward for getting rid of that idiot.

I faced no penalties at all.

Why โ€œPsycho,โ€ though?

Because after the guy was already dazed, even though I am not very coordinated, I was so annoyed and tired of this guy, I did some weird spin move and kicked the guy in the side of the head.

Iโ€™m sure it wasnโ€™t elegant or like in an action movie, as my feet are about as coordinated as a bag of biscuits, but as I said the guy was already dazed, and I was awash in not quite โ€œrage,โ€ but the sort of controlled focused awareness one gets when fighting.

That kick up side the head was the whole โ€œhospitalโ€ part.

I shouldโ€™ve stopped before that, but I was fucking fed up with this dude and mightโ€™ve killed him if the drills hadnโ€™t stopped me.

Iโ€™m glad they did, but I regret not at all what I did.

I believe thatโ€™s the first time Iโ€™ve ever told anyone that nickname, or that story, as Iโ€™m not proud of it really, but itโ€™s true about me and itโ€™s my life. Anyway, only 2-3 people read this blog, and I know and like them all. Anyone else stumbles across it? Such is life.

Differences

I was going to write something inane about soulmates, but it might be a useful concept to some. Let them have it.

A few years ago, I was eating lunch with a girl from work. She looked at me strangely for a moment and said, โ€œYouโ€™re weird. I think if a few guys with guns came into this restaurant and started shooting the place up, the expression on your face wouldnโ€™t even change.โ€

I said, โ€œWell, depends on if they shot me or not.โ€

She said, โ€œSee? Youโ€™re weird.โ€

Not really valid

Oh, bullshit.

There are many reasons this โ€œresultโ€ is invalid, but the main one is that these tests of complexity are skewed by archaic words that were used (surprise!) more frequently as one goes back in time.

There is also the fact that the circumlocutory style used up until about the early 1960s in formal writing and speech is profoundly unnatural and actually more difficult to understand than phrasings without a hundred barely-connected dependent clauses. (This style of writing is now almost exclusively found in academic papers where it is used as a signaling mechanism.)

Speech and writing complexity does not equal conveyed information or intelligence. Most often, itโ€™s deliberately obfuscatory.

Try reading Richard Feynman write about something extremely complicated and see how clear it can be, and then try reading an average paper about the very same topic to see what I mean.

As another for instance, Shakespeare is only difficult to understand for modern readers due to the archaic and obsolete words, not due to textual complexity. I always laugh when people cite Shakespeare for its awesome complexity, when itโ€™s mostly about as complex for its time as the average Firefly episode.

But itโ€™s greater for that reason, not in spite of it.

I could go on, but donโ€™t put much credence in things like this as it totally ignores the cross-cultural differences, obsolete and archaic words, not to mention that the complexity tests themselves are not in any way a good method of assessment for information actually conveyed.

The old place

This is a list of some of the things wrong with our old place, the one that we hated so much. Some of these we perhaps could have realized before we moved in, but others you only learn by experience. Bitter, terrible experience.

  • no key for front door was ever given to us
  • front door had to be forced closed
  • back door slammed into house, leaving damage
  • back door lock froze up
  • door between kitchen and laundry didn’t have a plate and didn’t close right
  • dryer destroyed clothes
  • floor was uneven
  • couldn’t put cable modem in bedroom because the line under the house had gotten smashed by blocks holding up the house
  • art supply cabinet in kitchen: smell never left and made unsealed food taste bad
  • pull drawers were broken
  • kitchen was too big and poorly designed for its size
  • dark variegated granite kitchen counter tops are impossible to see if they are clean
  • one outlet in kitchen internal breaker was blown and wouldn’t reset
  • drain in kitchen sink occasionally backed up (not a clog)
  • faucet handle had to be in a special position to turn off the water
  • kitchen sink was mounted incorrectly under the countertop leaving a seam that filled with gunk and difficult to clean
  • kitchen sink leaks a little bit
  • ants in kitchen, impervious to the poisons we tried
  • hot water was unpredictable and never hot enough
  • dumpster next door for Asian market left backyard smelling like rotten food
  • garbage from Asian market frequently blew into our backyard
  • noisy fan from Asian market prevented initial computer room layout by making too much noise
  • gate prevented two cars from parking on paving stones
  • gate frequently refused to close, was hard to activate, and broke once
  • garage roof leaked, and infested with rats, mice and cockroaches, ruined many items stored in garage
  • garage car door finicky and wouldn’t close with single click
  • screw and nail holes were left in every room, sometimes holes larger than 1″ diameter
  • possums occasionally banged against the bottom of the house at night
  • hot water didn’t work in the tub in 2nd bathroom
  • hot water heater behind screwed shut wall
  • handles for cupboards in laundry room only attached by one screw
  • tiles layed in bathrooms and laundry room were incorrectly installed and left gaps
  • toilet broke in the 2nd bathroom, with disintegrating rubber in the tank, and so old shutoff valve wouldn’t turn nor could find replacement parts
  • fan broken in 2nd bathroom
  • towel rack was unassembled in the 2nd bathroom
  • only half of paint job was finished in 2nd bedroom, with blue on half and white on half of the floor boards
  • frequent inexplicable power blips (not during thunderstorms)
  • closet door in 2nd bedroom didn’t fit right in the door frame and sometimes to be forced to open
  • lights in master and 2nd bedroom closets were failing. We replaced the master bedroom light fixture
  • water bills were very high due to sprinkler system mostly watering shitty half bare lawn
  • nasty brown carpet color and dingy wall color in master bedroom
  • master bedroom door was falling apart, didn’t have clearance over the carpet, wouldn’t close due to not fitting in the door frame right
  • master bedroom closet door not fully installed, leaning against the closet door frame and won’t clear carpet
  • 3rd light in master bedroom fixture was intermittent
  • master bedroom closet shelving not mounted to stud and screws pulling out the wall
  • missing door between master bedroom and bath
  • master bathroom toilet would keep running unless conflobulated*
  • master bathroom toilet seat not anchored very well and shifts around
  • master bathroom toilet paper holder fell out of wall (not mounted to a stud)
  • master bathroom shower custom sized and too long for standard shower curtain
  • no fan in the master bathroom leaving bathroom and bedroom damp for hours after a shower
  • shower rod in master bathroom fell down and had to be reglued
  • shower floor in master bathroom was barely angled enough to drain water and so a lot of standing water and soap scum accumulated
  • missing doorstops
  • breaker box outside, and labeled incorrectly
  • renovation done inexpertly and by amateurs who appeared to just “eyeball”, not plan, or measure correctly
  • front door steps were broken and worsening
  • home alarm system disarmed but beeped constantly
  • phone line was lying on the garage roof and then broke, tearing down some of the roof eaves edging
  • third bedroom bedroom coat hanger racks were too close to the wall to let normal hangers hang freely
  • third bedroom closet top shelf was not braced so could hold very little weight
  • ac thermostat temperature increased when ac turned on (short?), and so only functioned as on/off, not temperature regulating

That list is not comprehensive. That place was worse than many places Iโ€™ve lived in and stayed at in the 3rd World. So glad to be gone.

*A combination of wiggling it, cursing, and wishing for an arsonist to burn the whole fucking place to the ground.