But…I don’t want to go to Jamaica?
Trynabe Funny
ID
I invented dilly-dallying in 2017 https://t.co/E4lNOZCA5B
— Misha (@drethelin) October 23, 2025
I invented idlesse in 1259.
The 90
it’s remarkable how quickly I’ve gotten used to having a 90% omnipotent 10% retarded entity at my disposal for absolutely any purpose 24/7
— Sebastian Ballister (@rakishromantic) October 18, 2025
I’ve always been 90% omnipotent and 10% retarded so it feels normal to me.
Lowdrate
How are you actually supposed to end a conversation with someone you randomly run into?
This always works for me: “I have to go. Just realized I can’t remember the last time I gave my captive in the basement some water.”
Sola
It’s a myth that a network admins are feral malcontents. I am a network admin and I haven’t bitten anyone in weeks. So there.
Hel Yeah
All of you will be very sad when you’re in the slave mines on the moon getting me my Helium-3 for fusion experiments in space! Yes you will.
Pitted
Did you hear? Waffle House is introducing child fighting pits so the kids have something to do while the ‘rents duke it out.
WPITW
Other than Hitler, the worst person in the world is probably a vegan recumbent-bicycle-riding anti-Zionist anti-vaxxer with tattoos.
I’d be worth nuking an entire city to get rid of this person.
Veg In
Just opened this brand new vegan butter and it’s already molded.
At least that would improve the taste immensely.
60 Really Big Ones
Dude, I just bought Jupiter! It was a bargain at 60 octillion dollars. Now to decide where to put it.
Eeyore Rain
I was trying to make a friend laugh so I said to her, “You moistened my donkey with your non-utilitarian bumbershoots.”
It worked!
Ratus
What’s the most effective way you’ve handled employees resisting a new IT policy?
Strapped a cage with starved rats around a few of the resisters’ heads in the middle of the office.
This cut down on resistance significantly. The screams reduced productivity for a little while, but what can you do.
Uncle Scam
Uncle scammed out of 1.5 million!
That’s terrible! What’s his name, email address, telephone number and some crucial facts about him?
So I can help him out, of course. Yeah, that’s it. Help him.
Brows
Crime can be quite involving and distracting, I agree. It takes a lot of planning and initiative to pull off a worthwhile heist.
Ohhhhh…you meant crime TV shows. Carry on, then.
Zucked Up
It would have been cooler if he’d used CRISPR to create a seven-foot-tall version of his wife and called that one Big Wife.
Now that would have had flair, pizzazz, some originality. Billionaires are so unimaginative.