For $1000, I will call you a racial slur on twitter.
I try to avoid racial slurs, but I will call you a clown-ass moron for free anytime.
Trynabe Funny
My Mines
What is the perfect age to get a job?
Any age is a fine age to work in my Helium 3 mines on the moon. No hand is too small. After all, there are some tight crevasses up there. And if you get stuck I also provide a saw, no extra charge!
Strait Abdomen
I want to ban belly buttons.
It’s my version of a navel blockade.
Baggage
Back in my day, you could grab as many crappy plastic bags at the grocery store you as wanted. Like, go crazy. A bag for every carrot and every Jolt.
None of that reusable bag nonsense that you always forget anyway.
We used to be a country.
My Fence
No fencing!?!?!
You can have my rapier or épée when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.
(Yes, I know what “fencing” means here. I’m just goofin’.)
My Promise To You
I too will promise not to develop nuclear weapons if someone will send me pallets of cash, as Obama did to Iran.
Please begin delivery ASAP or enrichment operations will commence.
LLN
An exclusive image from Ayatollah Khomeini’s secret bunker before he met his end:
You saw it here first, folks.
UAS YASS
I do want one. Please send.
Rememeber
I think I keep re-reading There Is No Antimemetics Division but who can really be sure?
Not Buffaloing You
Since I’m now nearly as strong and as muscular I was in the army back in the day, I’m thinking I should change my legal to name to Bison Hammerfist.
Hey, it’s a…name. 😉
Steined In
I am not in the Epstein files.
Snart
I’ve decided that I’m trans.
Transcendent, that is.
Pital
I do think the place where bunnies are treated should be called a hopspital.
Secondhand
And 100% of people who live within five minutes of me live within 300 seconds of me. It’s like a miracle or something.