Sex

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Chill Gutter Philosophy, Sex

So little that men or women do that is intended to be sexy actually achieves that aim. In our current culture, both genders view sexiness as something imposed or even inflicted on you, rather than something created with a shared experience in mind.

Sexiness as a consumption item, then, almost never works. A force-fed meal is not enjoyable, and by the same token neither is OnlyFans-style compensation-based generic libido on demand. Stasi vs. McDonald’s is not much of a basis for a cultural erotic imagination.

Real sexiness requires centering the other person and their awareness, their desire, and not conceiving of yourself nor them as a consumption unit or subscriber. It is not about impressing them, but rather asking together, “What kind of encounter am I making possible?” Since Gen Z is incapable of this kind of thought at all, they are hopelessly lost, with no chance at all of a revival of the concupiscent.

Which is sad. However, without a focus on the shared experience and willingness to yourself be changed by the response, even in private life “sexiness” just becomes another mode of stale content production aimed at a partner for which you are just as interchangeable as the next OnlyFans model on their phone screen.

Volte

Chill Sex

About the ancient, “Men only want one thing and it’s disgusting” tweet from ages ago, I never figured out why sex was supposed to be disgusting in the first place. Or is the disgusting part that men only want one thing? Not sure how that should trigger disgust either, frankly, in several different senses.

Anyway, any woman who believes that just needs to think (as it’s what’s actually occurring): “Men only want one thing from me because I am boring and have nothing else to offer, and that’s pretty disgusting.”

Sad but true.

Sex Shift

Chill Sex

Back then, we (both men and women) treated sex/sexuality as a standard and expected part of normal life. It wasn’t “special” in the sense that it was not something outside of the regular practice of living. Nowadays, on the other hand, Gen Z treats anything to do with sex and sexuality — especially in person — as some exceptional, outré, “out there” activity that should not be discussed, seen, alluded to or partaken of except in rare circumstances.

I cannot stress enough the difference in culture and ethos as compared to now. Feels like a wholly different world. I cannot believe how laid back we were then compared to all the weird and pitiful Church Ladies around now.

Gay people got more freedom, but everyone else got far less.

Let’s Talk About

Chill Sex

And a lot of women actually like sex too. Trust me on that.

But I think a lot of this discourse lately is from women (and some men) who do not actually enjoy sex and are disgusted by it. Which, to be fair, is increasingly common, especially in Gen Z. And a lot of those women who do abhor sex are feminists. There’s probably a connection there.

Regardless, anyone who sees men’s sexuality as default evil and deviant is my enemy.

Sense and Sensitivity

Chill Amusing, Sex

What’s some crazy facts about men/the male body that women wouldn’t know?

Men’s penises are not nearly as sensitive as women imagine them to be. Almost every woman I’ve ever met severely, absurdly overestimates the “resolution” of sensitivity there.

They imagine the penis is like a fingertip. It’s more like the back of your calf, but even less sensitive than that. Yes, it can and does experience pleasure but there’s no “resolution” to it. So, no, often we cannot tell when the condom comes off during sex. Not without looking.

Hell, with a woman who’s turned on enough sometimes I can’t even tell if I’m inside her or not. And I’ve got more than average going on down there.

Why do women have such insane ideas about penis “resolution” sensitivity? I can’t even hazard a guess as to that one.

Amuse and Confuse

Chill Amusing, Sex

It’s pretty telling — and revealing of our evolutionary and cultural history — how very much time and effort people and groups spend attempting to police who should be allowed to have sex with whom.

Mostly, I just stand back and observe, amused and confused. Of course no one admits that’s what they are doing. But it is what you’re all doing.

Pants Chance

Chill Amusing, Sex

Woman Friend of mine: I like that you’re my friend and visit me even though there’s no chance we’d ever have sex.

Me: No chance?

Friend: Why, are you interested?

Me: No. Sex is a lot of work at the best of times and I’m tired. I just wanna chill, really.

Friend: Then why do you care if there’s a chance or not?

Me: I like optionality! I don’t want to rule anything out.

Woman: Ok. There’s a trillionth of a trillionth percent chance.

Me: Ok, much better!

(This wasn’t confrontational. We’ve known each other quite a while and we were both joking around in a much longer conversation about how men and women relate and misunderstand one another.)

Lady Look

Chill Sex

Agreed. Other than being about attempted control, I think this is why so many women resort to the “YOU ONLY WANT SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111” nonsense after you go on a couple of dates and then make any mention at all of what the next steps of dating might look like.

Look, lady, if I only wanted sex I wouldn’t be traditional dating and I also need to know that you’re not way more freaky than I’m comfortable with or want to participate in. I ain’t choking anybody or peeing on anybody, sorry. And that’s important information to have.

Sorry about your past trauma. However, you can deal with it alone if you want to take out on me whatever it was that some other dude did.

Goodness

Chill Sex

Men of Reddit, How has intimacy with older women at a young age impacted you?

It was a great experience and I wish I’d been able to be with older women at an even younger age. I learned a lot about how better to interact with women, got vastly more skilled at sex, had an amazing time otherwise and highly recommend it to all men.

In general something is only traumatizing because society brainwashes you into believing it’s so, and men are not women.

It made me a better person, lover and friend. Again, highly recommended.

Friedman

Chill Sex

The idea that all kinks are the result of trauma is just plainly and obviously wrong. The kinkiest girl I ever knew in my life (way, way too kinky for me1) self-admittedly had a “vanilla, boring” childhood, had never been sexually assaulted, described her parents as “amazing and perfect” and had many friends. And this is not unusual from what I’ve seen.

All that Dr. Debra Soh is demonstrating that she is probably prudish and anti-kink in general. (And I say that as a person who is not 100% vanilla but absolutely no one would describe as into kinks and the like.)

  1. She was into CNC, choking, degradation, free use, group sex, exhibitionism and many other things I have no interest in.

Howling

Chill Sex

I’m not doubting her experiences here, but this is not true of me. I’m exactly the same having sex as not. Hell, I don’t even sweat. My personality is unchanged; there is no transformation of which she speaks. I don’t know how common or unusual this is as I do not have sex with men.

But it’s true of at least one man.

Double Fault

Chill Sex

If a man can’t get intimacy in his relationship, where does this notion of “entitled” come from?

There is a huge double standard here, even if the poster seems a little incoherent. A woman gets huge, blaring sympathy if she says she wants more intimacy and the man in question is not providing it. The man is blamed no matter what the woman does because he somehow must have “caused” it.

However, if a man wants more intimacy and the woman is not providing this, then the man is also invariably blamed, often with the accusers knowing zero details. In their eyes, he also must have somehow “caused” this. In other words, no matter who is complaining about the dead bedroom it is always the man’s fault because he is the only one seen to have agency.

Now why is that? Why must the man always be wholly responsible for the woman’s emotional well-being, even in this context of sex?

I tell you what, we men get tired of all this emotional labor women force us to do. 😉