How to Pick the Fastest Line at the Supermarket.

Some things I’ve observed, to add:

• Look for people holding checkbooks. Get out of those lines. That’s going to take a long time.

• Older cashiers and very young cashiers are slower. The fastest are non-chatty female cashiers who look older than high school but not 60+.

• Look for people holding coupons or with coupon books/folders etc. They will take a very long while to get them all out and almost always will argue over the total at the end. These lines are almost always the slowest. (And it will be 10x as slow if this is all combined with someone over 65.)

• Look at people’s fingers for nicotine stains or smell for people who smell like smoke. They often will ask for cigarettes. This typically requires a manager or a trip to the service desk. This will make the line crawl.

• Lines with women with kids are good. Kids make women clear out faster and men go slower. So, conversely, avoid lines that have men with kids.

• Avoid lines where people are buying alcohol, much un-bar-coded produce or any otherwise unusual or unlabeled item.

• Avoid lines with anyone texting, talking on a cell phone or even holding their phone. Chances are they will attempt to use it during the transaction process.

• Avoid lines with really old baggers (65+) or with managers bagging. Both are often really slow and will have you waiting after the transaction is done.

I’ll update this if I think of anything else. If it offends anyone, well, first I don’t really care and second, can’t change the facts on the ground just because you wish it were different.