I thought I’d recounted this tale somewhere on this blog before, but I could not find it. Ah well — I’ve had dozens of blogs over the years.
So here goes.
Long time ago, I was dating a girl who was very ditzy. I know, saying that makes me an automatic misogynist. But hear me out: she was not unintelligent. In fact, she was very bright. But if you called central casting and asked for the “cute, ditzy blonde type” this is person who would’ve shown up, frantically pushing on the pull door to get into the office. She was not playing a version of this to appease men, nor was she incapable of rational, logical thought. What she was, though, was crazy fun to be around and an amazing singer, too. And oh yeah, as I’ve mentioned, a complete and adorable clown show when it came to many things that I just didn’t care about involving social interaction and understanding irrelevant facts of the world, all the while having this wild sort of confidence and self-assurance that somehow made it all work.
One night we were hanging out, listening to music, playing board games and such like that. We were getting a bit peckish so I suggested that we order a pizza. She’d been pretty sheltered by her parents and had never done this before, so just to do something she’d not done, she wanted to place the order. I told her to go right ahead.
All was going perfectly well till the end of the call. I could not hear the other side of the conversation though these things are of course like a script; I knew what the pizza place on the other end of the line was asking.
As it wrapped up and the pizza place employee inquired of her, “What’s your number?” she at first looked around eyes wide, searching for any possible reply and finding nothing. I already knew something great was about to happen. I could just tell.
Finding even after a few more beats of time no possible answer to this question and so replying as truthfully as she knew how, she burst out with this into the phone: “I’m a TEN!”
Oh. My. Holl hell. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so long and hard at anything another person has said in my life. I couldn’t stay upright. I fell on the floor out of breath and gasping. I did not get up for a while.
For as long as we were together after that, we’d both just at times opportune and in- issue forth a confident proclamation of “I’m a TEN!” and laugh like maniacs.