I texted this to my partner, and thought it was funny enough to post here. Remember, I composed this on the fly in like 20 seconds, so don’t expect Yeats. It’s about this incident:

Just doing backflips with my gun, dancing like I can be seen by no one;
Suddenly a boom! Oh no, I shot someone in the room!
Oh well, I’m FBI — I’m like Trump, I can just shoot a guy.
Ah well, the flip was sweet, and now my dance is complete —
Back to collaring the poor and the black,
And for that spraying bullets doesn’t hold you back.

Every time I have to attempt to use the new Firefox, I am shocked by how incredibly, horribly broken it is. In some important ways, the Mosaic browser that I used (very rarely, as all I could afford were BBSes) way back in 1993 has more functionality than the current Firefox.

Tell me your best stories about getting into a fight

— Drew Magary (@drewmagary) June 3, 2018

Guy at lunch table in the third grade (maybe fourth?) who bullied everyone, but me more than most. He kept flicking peanut butter at me. I told him to stop. He flicked more and punched me in the chest. I dumped a bowl of chili on his head, slamming the bowl on his head like a cap, and kicked his chair over. He stood up and punched me so hard (he was much bigger than me, and older) that I almost blacked out.

Then his friends attacked me, too, and it did not go well for me.

But dumping the bowl of chili on his head was very pleasing and worth my bruised head and ribs and busted lip. People remembered that for years and no one recalled that I lost the fight most heinously.

That was my first lunchroom brawl.

Fuck you, Tony, wherever you are.