Tell me your best stories about getting into a fight

— Drew Magary (@drewmagary) June 3, 2018

Guy at lunch table in the third grade (maybe fourth?) who bullied everyone, but me more than most. He kept flicking peanut butter at me. I told him to stop. He flicked more and punched me in the chest. I dumped a bowl of chili on his head, slamming the bowl on his head like a cap, and kicked his chair over. He stood up and punched me so hard (he was much bigger than me, and older) that I almost blacked out.

Then his friends attacked me, too, and it did not go well for me.

But dumping the bowl of chili on his head was very pleasing and worth my bruised head and ribs and busted lip. People remembered that for years and no one recalled that I lost the fight most heinously.

That was my first lunchroom brawl.

Fuck you, Tony, wherever you are.