One of the books I’m reading is Semiosis by Sue Burke. I like it pretty well. She has a decent grasp of systems and sociology, which goes a long way with me.

There’s a character in the book not much like me in most ways, but I still identify with him quite a bit. The reason is that not much in the human sphere comes naturally to him, but he still tries to be decent. This quote from him is also emblematic of how I often feel: “I’m not naturally kind. I’m intentionally kind. I have to figure out what to do, I don’t do it automatically.”

For that reason, like me, he’s often misread by people. I don’t know how to react normally to much. In many ways, my reactions are all an elaborate act. When I am alone, were you to film me, I would probably seem much like a robot. Recently, I don’t remember exactly what I was talking about, but it’s common so it could’ve been anything. Anyway, I was talking to my partner and I mentioned that one of the many reasons I liked being around her was that I didn’t have to pretend to be startled by or afraid of things to have some semblance of normal reactions to events. It’s a real relief.

It’s not that I don’t have any emotions, it’s just that they don’t impinge much on my consciousness. I think I was largely naturally this way to a great extent, but that being bullied and beat on as a kid solidified it.

Regardless, it’s great having a partner where I don’t have to pretend to react to things to seem normal. That gets very tiring.

This is the only cover of “Time of the Season” that is any good, and they somehow managed to do it without the iconic Mellotron synth. If you’d asked me before I would’ve said it was just not possible.

I’ve always liked this song because it’s supposed to be a love song but it also sounds menacing in a peculiar way. The twins understood this, obviously (as they released it on Halloween), so it succeeded as a cover.