Of all the common fetishes, I think I understand feet the least. Just…feet? Boring-ass feet? I get the weirdo tentacle crap better than the whole feet thing.

Years ago, my girlfriend came home and said, “A guy offered me $200 at the gas station to lick my toes today.”

I said, “And you’re sitting here talking to me when you could’ve been $200 richer.”

Other than cashing in on it, I don’t think I will ever understand the deal with feet as a sexual object.