I gaze out into my yard
In disbelieving surprise
At 30-50 feral hogs
As their tusks, they rise

Does their hogginess upset me?
Will it be my children’s doom?
Emerging 3-5 per minute
Through the forest gloom

That’s why I need my guns
To make sure those hogs die
As I spray bullets over my kids’ heads
Just watch the 5.56mm fly

Do you want me to go full auto?
Lowered head and crazed eyes?
Shell casings falling like teardrops
Those hogs, now their tusks don’t rise

(With apologies to Maya Angelou.)