This week for what strangely is probably the first time in human history, you will see a completely accurate self-reported food diary, compiled day by day.

This is for the prior day — Feb 1 — accounting for everything I ate or drink that had any calories at all in it. My food diaries are easy as pie (heh) to keep as I eat very little.

Feb 1:

• Large apple muffin.
• Two medium slices of pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, various cheeses, onions and olives.

And that’s it! As I said, my food diaries are easy to keep because what I eat is de minimis so I don’t get de maxim-ass.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s gripping report.