A young woman in front of me in the line at the grocery store, who was buying turnips, confusingly enough could not identify them when the cashier asked what they were. No one around other than me knew that they were in fact turnips.

I considered asking the woman why she was buying something that she couldn’t identify, but then she ripped off her face and, surprise, it was Putin!

He was here to sow produce uncertainty throughout this great nation! By doubting the turnips, we will then doubt reality itself! Ah, Putin, never would I have considered such brilliant Brassica-based psyops.