My mom’s cooking was so bad that my sister and I were overjoyed when we got Manwich as kids.
Think of that. Happy about Manwich.
Amusing
“Investment”
Did I get scammed or am I dumb?
Why not both? People post the most obvious scams in the history of ever and then ask something like this. I do not understand it.
Marvel At
I think it’s funny that a lot of people read me as a jock type now.
I’m like the nerdiest dude in world history. Yeah, I’m not bad athletically but anyone who knew me in high school would find it hysterical that anyone thinks I could be a jock.
Naw, I only look on the exterior like I stepped off the set of a Marvel movie. Still the same nerdy crap up in my gigantic noggin 24/7.
Aphant
People are always shocked by how bad I am at tasks like mentally rotating a shape. But makes sense to me. There’s nothing going on in there but words. I am the ur-ChatGPT. There’s almost no imagery.
Just the F
I hate that this is not actually good satire because this is gonna happen. It is just the future.
Table Stakes
For sure. When I ran a blog that was over 1,000 times more popular than this one, I had several confirmed haters. One was so eager to bring me down a notch he threatened to contact my boss and tell her about all about the salacious stuff I’d written. Well, my boss at at that time already read my blog so I CCed my enemy and her on an email and said, “Hey, [Boss], what do you think about this blog of mine?” And she replied, “It’s a bit angry but well-written. I like it.”
And that shut him up. Mostly.
Also, no, not being fat is not enough to be hot. It’s just the bare minimum to have a chance. Taking care of yourself otherwise (dressing well, no tattoos, hair maintained) and attitude are what else matters.
No You Have Them
Like half the posts on Reddit now are some Gen Z goofus complaining about how sex is icky. They sound like little kids worried about cooties even if they’re 27.
Hair Fare
My friend always claims she can tell if someone is Asian before they turn around, but how?
Is this some kid of joke? Hair, of course! Asian people’s hair looks very notably different than white or black people’s hair.
Hell, I can tell if someone is (Asian) Indian or non-Indian Asian before they turn around, even if I cannot see their skin.
It’s not even hard.
Tormentor
How did you find your sysadmin mentor?
I looked in the mirror and said, “I guess it’s just us.”
Then I got shit done.
Vimp
People who claim they cannot see any difference between 1080p and 4K screens — I just don’t believe them. It’s so insanely obvious I think they are just saying that so they don’t have to spend more money on a better monitor.
Unless you have, like, 20/100 vision the difference is like looking at a pebble and boulder and claiming they are exactly the same.
Surely people cannot be that vision-impaired and still read without glasses?
Electron Zoomage
Gawdamn I love having an absurdly fast network that makes other people’s seem like a clownish joke network.
Flick Bet
Those who want to control you get really angry when you do not care what they think, but they become incandescently enraged when they realize that you barely even notice them at all.
Love it.
Oral sex https://t.co/SVfRJ9uYgl
— LIZZY💥 (@LizzyStarrrdust) December 3, 2025
Find her a cute dress with extant and voluminous pockets. Or even a pair of pants.
Albummed Out
I worked with an intern who didn’t know what a CD was. She did know what a vinyl record was, though, as they’ve made an unfortunate return. She did have a vague notion that CDs were the “little silver records.”
Herd Movement
That is the easiest way to get banned from anywhere — go against the herd. I find myself running away from the stampede often enough so I know how that works. It’s how I got banned from Reddit the first time. I disagreed with the wrong people and they kicked me out. And the closer to being right you are, the more likely you are to be shitcanned.