Expectation Expectoration

Why do men seem so much more desperate to find partners than women, generally speaking?

Contra what women tend to think, most men aren’t desperate — it’s just that they are the ones expected to do nearly everything to start and form a relationship. It’s all on men to face storms of rejection, being called a “creep” simply for existing and trying, and paying for dates, etc. It’s all on men.

Women could change this equilibrium but won’t, because on the surface it benefits them too much (though hurts them in ways they don’t acknowledge).

Sure Can

One of the worst interview experiences of my life.

Why subject yourself to this, even if you’re desperate? It’ll be a horrible place to work anyway. I’ve walked out of half a dozen interviews in my life, back when it was more common for them to be in person. I regret nothing; it was always the right call.

My favorite walk-out was when an interviewer attempted to antagonize me because I knew far more than he did. I stood up and said, “Well, I’m leaving. Wouldn’t want to work here.”

He acted all shocked and said, “You can’t just leave!”

I said, “Yes I can,” turned around and walked out of the conference room and right out the front door.

LOL. Respect yourself first or no one else will.

Recognizance

I have trouble recognizing male programmers because they all dress the same, are all overweight to obese, all have the same scruffy poorly-trimmed beard, and all wear glasses 1.

This is a real problem at in-person work functions.

  1. Obviously, not every single one. But this is accurate to my experience.

Roam

That’s how I grew up, but I was part of the last gen (Gen X) to do so. Often I would go outside at 8AM and not see another adult till 6-9PM. I’d roam miles from home on my own or, more rarely, with friends. This was completely normal back then. Now it’d get parents arrested.

Emoted

Emotional intelligence is worth nearly nothing. Women are 100x more interested in me now that I got way fitter and hotter. I could be a complete asshole and this would still be the case. Perhaps even more the case as many, many women use assholery as a proxy for dominance, which is hugely appealing to many women.

Emotional intelligence helps some in a relationship. But it helps 0.0% in getting you one. In fact, it probably hurts on net.

Div Urge

Indeed. Women’s idea of what men find attractive and what men actually find attractive is highly divergent. Obviously, not all men nor women are the same, blah blah blah.

What men find attractive (80%+): A woman who is fit and not obese, in normal to tight-ish regular clothes in minimal or minimal-looking makeup, not much perfume and not slathered with weird stinky lotion, and a smile. A simple sundress is super attractive to most men if you can pull it off (and in my experience, sundresses are very easy to pull off…oh, wait, what were we talking about here?).

What women think men find attractive (but is actually just intrasexual competition): An expensive evening dress, 2 hours of full-face makeup, four-inch heels, complicated lingerie, various high-end perfumes and lotions, and a bratty but stand-offish personality and affect.

Not many men actually find the latter attractive, though an absurdly-large number of women believe that is what most men find appealing. But it just ain’t true.

Chipped

In relationships, you should always be with someone trying to build you up (and vice versa), never someone attempting to tear you down. The moment that the other person starts chipping away at you, it’s over whether you know or it not.

I learned that the hard way, unfortunately.