This is a list of some of the things wrong with our old place, the one that we hated so much. Some of these we perhaps could have realized before we moved in, but others you only learn by experience. Bitter, terrible experience.

• no key for front door was ever given to us
• front door had to be forced closed
• back door slammed into house, leaving damage
• back door lock froze up
• door between kitchen and laundry didn’t have a plate and didn’t close right
• dryer destroyed clothes
• floor was uneven
• couldn’t put cable modem in bedroom because the line under the house had gotten smashed by blocks holding up the house
• art supply cabinet in kitchen: smell never left and made unsealed food taste bad
• pull drawers were broken
• kitchen was too big and poorly designed for its size
• dark variegated granite kitchen counter tops are impossible to see if they are clean
• one outlet in kitchen internal breaker was blown and wouldn’t reset
• drain in kitchen sink occasionally backed up (not a clog)
• faucet handle had to be in a special position to turn off the water
• kitchen sink was mounted incorrectly under the countertop leaving a seam that filled with gunk and difficult to clean
• kitchen sink leaks a little bit
• ants in kitchen, impervious to the poisons we tried
• hot water was unpredictable and never hot enough
• dumpster next door for Asian market left backyard smelling like rotten food
• garbage from Asian market frequently blew into our backyard
• noisy fan from Asian market prevented initial computer room layout by making too much noise
• gate prevented two cars from parking on paving stones
• gate frequently refused to close, was hard to activate, and broke once
• garage roof leaked, and infested with rats, mice and cockroaches, ruined many items stored in garage
• garage car door finicky and wouldn’t close with single click
• screw and nail holes were left in every room, sometimes holes larger than 1″ diameter
• possums occasionally banged against the bottom of the house at night
• hot water didn’t work in the tub in 2nd bathroom
• hot water heater behind screwed shut wall
• handles for cupboards in laundry room only attached by one screw
• tiles layed in bathrooms and laundry room were incorrectly installed and left gaps
• toilet broke in the 2nd bathroom, with disintegrating rubber in the tank, and so old shutoff valve wouldn’t turn nor could find replacement parts
• fan broken in 2nd bathroom
• towel rack was unassembled in the 2nd bathroom
• only half of paint job was finished in 2nd bedroom, with blue on half and white on half of the floor boards
• frequent inexplicable power blips (not during thunderstorms)
• closet door in 2nd bedroom didn’t fit right in the door frame and sometimes to be forced to open
• lights in master and 2nd bedroom closets were failing. We replaced the master bedroom light fixture
• water bills were very high due to sprinkler system mostly watering shitty half bare lawn
• nasty brown carpet color and dingy wall color in master bedroom
• master bedroom door was falling apart, didn’t have clearance over the carpet, wouldn’t close due to not fitting in the door frame right
• master bedroom closet door not fully installed, leaning against the closet door frame and won’t clear carpet
• 3rd light in master bedroom fixture was intermittent
• master bedroom closet shelving not mounted to stud and screws pulling out the wall
• missing door between master bedroom and bath
• master bathroom toilet would keep running unless conflobulated*
• master bathroom toilet seat not anchored very well and shifts around
• master bathroom toilet paper holder fell out of wall (not mounted to a stud)
• master bathroom shower custom sized and too long for standard shower curtain
• no fan in the master bathroom leaving bathroom and bedroom damp for hours after a shower
• shower rod in master bathroom fell down and had to be reglued
• shower floor in master bathroom was barely angled enough to drain water and so a lot of standing water and soap scum accumulated
• missing doorstops
• breaker box outside, and labeled incorrectly
• renovation done inexpertly and by amateurs who appeared to just “eyeball”, not plan, or measure correctly
• front door steps were broken and worsening
• home alarm system disarmed but beeped constantly
• phone line was lying on the garage roof and then broke, tearing down some of the roof eaves edging
• third bedroom bedroom coat hanger racks were too close to the wall to let normal hangers hang freely
• third bedroom closet top shelf was not braced so could hold very little weight
• ac thermostat temperature increased when ac turned on (short?), and so only functioned as on/off, not temperature regulating

That list is not comprehensive. That place was worse than many places I’ve lived in and stayed at in the 3rd World. So glad to be gone.

*A combination of wiggling it, cursing, and wishing for an arsonist to burn the whole fucking place to the ground.