Except now someone says, “I’m a vegan” apropos of nothing. A woman says, “I have a boyfriend” in response to “bless you,” and a tech bro goes on about how it’s not rational to say that “bless you” at all. Then an SJW claims they are triggered by someone smiling at them, and a feminist says it’s “anti-manspreading” to not pull her legs in as someone walks down the crowded aisle. The dude in the lifted red pickup with a MAGA sticker runs you over and kills you without stopping. And everyone agrees that saying “I like your hat” is definitely harassment as you never, ever talk to strangers, especially to compliment them.

A Twitter friend just sent me this lovely poem. pic.twitter.com/PaqE4kaIlr

— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) July 23, 2019