May Him

Great thread. I also grew up in an โ€œhonor culture,โ€ of course. Itโ€™s still very much alive in me, as it is with Christopher. Where I grew up, tolerating disrespect was the ultimate sign of weakness. It was something you did not do if you wanted to have any sort of viable social future. I learned that lesson early, that it was better to fight and lose (which I did, often, before I got good at fighting) than it was to back down or just take it stoically.

To this day thereโ€™s still part of me that feels more comfortable with violence than with just letting things slide. To be clear, I donโ€™t resort to my fists now and I havenโ€™t been in a physical fight in two decades. But stillโ€ฆthe violent disposition, however small a voice it becomes, is always there; it feels like home in a perverse way.

A friend of mine once asked me how many fights Iโ€™ve been in. I literally could not remember, it was so many. Thatโ€™s how I grew up, and how you experience the world as a child and young adult doesnโ€™t just go away, as convenient as that would be.

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