I’m becoming a paper straw truther. Their ability to unite govts/ESG investors/consumers around a product that unironically fails its you-had-one-job test intrigues me.

Whether the goal is green impact or consumer satisf., paper straws are akin to an inedible Impossible burger. pic.twitter.com/PKMeuLTBVJ

— Greg Shill (@greg_shill) September 18, 2021

Neo-ascetic prudery refracted through non-consequential but oblative-paralleling sacrifice of functionality, an atonement beckoning toward expiation of guilt.