Some things burn past your skin into your bones deep enough that it bonds you to anyone you share that experience so much that no separation of time or distance unmakes that entanglement.

In the show Justified, Raylan Givens says several times to his nemesis Boyd Crowder, “We dug coal together.” It is his way of acknowledging a shared history that crosses all lines of right or wrong, good or evil, that is something deeper than even someone being set against you. It’s recognizing a tie that simply cannot be understood by someone who did not live it.

My sister and I have little in common, really. We were and are nothing alike. She was impulsive, not very intellectual, very worried about what people thought of her but with high musical talent and a lot of charm. I was extremely introverted, intellectual, thoughtful, unconcerned with anyone’s opinions of me and completely charmless.

Blood and family mean nothing to me. I don’t feel connected to my sister by that tether at all. But together we survived the worst North Florida could do to us and made better lives for ourselves.

I always wonder who we would’ve been if we hadn’t grown up in (for us) such a hellish place, that was so inimical to both our natures for different reasons. It was even harder on her than it was me, I think, because she was just less resilient.

But we survived North Florida together. That’s the bond we have. It’s our “We dug coal together.” It’s the coalfire that smolders in our marrow that no one else can see or feel.