The 1996 Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham, ladies and gentlemen:

Back when cars were still cars!

• Turn radius: Ocean liner equivalent
• Back seat: Orgy-ready
• Grille: Larger than most European nations
• Chrome: More than a trashy Las Vegas casino
• Trunk: Body transpo for even the most prolific serial killer

What a classic. What a legend. I’d own one but don’t want to maintain a 1996 car.