I was watching a Sky (British TV) program and this was at the beginning:
I was like, dang, me too!
Trynabe Funny
Lawry’s
You call them MICROPLASTICS. I call it SEASONING.
Cruiser
What does society do with dying old people?
Put them in cruise missiles to guide the missiles in. They tell you there are advanced computers in a Tomahawk. But it’s a lie. It’s Grandpa Jean, doing his last bit for his country.
Thank you, Grandpa Jean!
Deanied
Ok this actually made me laugh out loud:
But what if I want to be Secretary of Boom? Maybe I can be Lord of Lasers instead? I’d also accept Wizard of Woe and Dean of Devious Delights as backups.
Downlow
Naw, bro, that’s Gen X being called in when Google is down.
Misinfo
I guess now they are gonna have to take the kitty litter boxes out of schools that were there for the furries and otherkin.
Also, all the operating rooms in every school for surgically transitioning kids without their parents’ consent are done for, too.
Damn.
FEMA Redeema
Maybe every election from now on will be about who gets to put who in the FEMA camps.
And then arguing about if the FEMA camps are good or not, depending on which side is in power.
Pity 4
This Sony 4K Monitor Brought My PC and PlayStation Gaming To The Next Level.
4K? They still make monitors with resolutions that pitiful? 😉 Anything below 5K for my main screen now just makes my head ache.
Barysh
Best thing to do when walking behind a women alone at night?
Most likely run at top speed while leaping up in the air like Mikhail Baryshnikov and bellowing, “I am not a rapist! I am not an abuser!”
That’s always been my go-to. Sometimes I add a little electric slide in there to really get my point across.
Nou What
I have nougat damn idea.
PE Cas
TGI Fridays files for bankruptcy.
Darn. They might have to sell all their microwaves.
(In reality it looks like another PE casualty, though their food was genuinely terrible microwaved crap.)
Bian
Men, what’s a good movie to watch on a first date?
Probably either Cannibal Holocaust or A Serbian Film. Maybe do a double header, really get things going.
Tacul
Speak for yourself, buddy. “Spooktacular” is a year-round conversational staple for me.
Acc Dec
This pizza I ordered from a pizza place literally 2 minutes away.
Caveat: the pizza place is two minutes away if you drive at 10,000mph. That acceleration and decel is a real bitch.
Defeatedly
I hope either to die calmly in my sleep or surrounded by vast piles of my defeated enemies.
Either one is okie-dokie with me.