We need to stop messing about with gain of function experiments and work on more gain of funkiness research.

For those who are too sheepish, sounds like a ewe problem.

A great way to improve your mental health is to develop a pathological hatred of a public figure you've never met, and interpret everything they do as a direct and personal attack on you and your identity.

— wokeandwoofing (@wokeandwoofing) December 15, 2025

Agreed. Damn you, Saoirse Ronan, why must you be such a blight upon my existence. First, you have the gall to have a difficult-to-pronounce name just to spite me and my girlfriend. And then I know it was you who is digging up my garden. I just know it. You sneak in there at night in a raccoon suit. It doesn’t even fit right.

I’m certain you’re laying hexes and sending me coded message of pure maleficence in every TV interview. That’s why I watch every single one to make sure. There is no evil to which witch Saoirse will not stoop. Something must be done!

Be the teleportation accident you wish to see in the world.

Goals for the next year:

1) Teach donkeys to yodel.

2) Start an intentional community based on worshipping muffins.

3) Bring back carburetors. Mandate all cars have them. I don’t know why, I just like carburerators.

4) Drill for oil on the Moon. Just for funsies.

5) Convert all Waffle Houses to boxing gyms. They can still serve food. Very little will have to change.

If they make being awesome illegal, then I shall be forced into a life of criminality.

I tend to be aloof, but never a loofah.

I’m not a vegetarian and definitely not a vegan. None of that nonsense. I’m a yumatarian; I eat whatever tastes yum.

Very simple.

But…I don’t want to go to Jamaica?

I invented dilly-dallying in 2017 https://t.co/E4lNOZCA5B

— Misha (@drethelin) October 23, 2025

I invented idlesse in 1259.

it’s remarkable how quickly I’ve gotten used to having a 90% omnipotent 10% retarded entity at my disposal for absolutely any purpose 24/7

— Sebastian Ballister (@rakishromantic) October 18, 2025

I’ve always been 90% omnipotent and 10% retarded so it feels normal to me.

How are you actually supposed to end a conversation with someone you randomly run into?

This always works for me: “I have to go. Just realized I can’t remember the last time I gave my captive in the basement some water.”

It’s a myth that a network admins are feral malcontents. I am a network admin and I haven’t bitten anyone in weeks. So there.

All of you will be very sad when you’re in the slave mines on the moon getting me my Helium-3 for fusion experiments in space! Yes you will.