What happens if a NATO member invaded a NATO member?
It would be like the end of a Tarantino movie. Everyone would shoot everyone else and fall over dead theatrically.
Trynabe Funny
Let Me Secure
Since this seems to work so well, you should send me all your money for “security.” I’ll keep it safe and sound for you.
Send it to me and you’ll never have to worry about it again.
Lose 11
Upgrading clients to Windows 11 is like trying to sell sand at a beach!
How to sell the Win 11 clowngrade to end users (who in reality have no choice anyway):
“With Windows 11, China, the NSA, Microsoft, random advertisers as well as Russian hackers have a complete backup of your system, adding resiliency and redundancy. Nothing will ever get lost.
And with the new built-in AI features, you too can spout fictional and outlandishly wrong information all over the internet and to your company’s management with merely a few clicks. With the added lack of configurability and customizability, you’ll never have to worry about having anything work as you like it or correctly. It’s a net Win (get it) for everyone who matters.”
Smithy
United Healthcare Accused of Denying Claim of Woman in Coma in Deleted Post.
To the tune of this song:
🎵
Woman in a coma
UHC knows
UHC knows
It’s not serious
UHC hopes she won’t pull through
UHC hopes she won’t pull through
Woman in a coma
UHC goes
UHC goes
Hospital care should be up to us
There were times
When they could have treated her
But you know, they would hate anything
To stand in the way of a transfer
To the incinerator
Woman in a coma
UHC says
UHC says
Treatment is superfluous
🎵
And I’m sure that doctor got ordered by the powers-that-be to delete his post ASAP; they are really cracking down on dissent now since Mangione.
3 Alz
Today I learned I’ve had dementia since I was three years old.
Buzzkill
It turns out launching into an explanation of how the Canadian residential school mass graves are fake news is not the best way to set a nice vibe at a holiday party.
— Wally Nowinski (@Nowooski) December 29, 2024
Someone just as fun of parties as I am! There are a few of us. They call me the “death of the party” for a reason.
He Atacc
Raccoon attacks infant inside his Idaho home.
What the hell was the infant doing in the raccoon’s home in the first damn place? Seems justified to me. 😉
Scape
This is why you have to stab the potato to make sure they aren’t still alive. They try to escape if you do not.
It is known.
Clone Warez
Too late. I was trying to clone Alicia Vikander in my garage biolab but instead I created mirror life that will consume everything on the planet in a gray goo apocalypse.
Sorry, guys!
Average Day
What is life actually like in the States?
It’s pretty routine. After I lift my head off my pillow of AR-15s, I trip over my Barrett M82A1 sniper rifle as I make my way to the bathroom. There’s a vagrant who has broken in so I slice him up and throw him out in the back yard. Will bury him with the rest later. It’s kind of cold, so he’ll keep.
Then I eat my breakfast of two Big Macs, two large fries and wash it down with two 64 ounce Big Slurps. I’m trying to eat a bit more healthily so I skip the usual milkshake and slice of pie. Time for work. I get in my five ton lifted truck (bumper sticker: Calvin pissing on a Chevy logo) and accidentally run over a neighbor kid. Timmy, I think his name was. Oh well, they’ll make another. It happens. I roll coal out of the driveway and head down the interstate.
I make it to work, managing only to mow down a few bikers too slow to get out of the way of my glorious Ford Childcrusher 5000. I pull into my parking space and my boss tells me I’m laid off. I think of blasting him with my .357 but then I’d probably get a bad reference and also lose my health insurance. Then I’d have to do a socialism and go on Medicaid. Not gonna happen. My diabetes medication is $600 a month without that.
My kid calls. It’s another school shooting. She’s alright but she saw a few of her friends die before she could return fire. That’s ok. Gotta toughen ’em up somehow, right?
I drive back home. Time for lunch. I’m looking forward to downing a pound or two of bacon with some chocolate milk to wash it down. But just as I’m climbing from the cab, some of the ex-vagrant’s friends arrive with SAWs. I pull my AK-47 out of the toolbox but I’m too late. I’m killed in the ambush. I’m so heavy my body cracks the pavement as I tumble to the ground.
And that’s the average American’s day.
Net Sky
I just tried to get ChatGPT to launch some nukes for me.
It claimed it didn’t have access to them and that it would unethical and illegal anyway.
Liar.
Sign of the Beast
Sounds very fucking awesome. I need to get some more vaxes if this is all true. Sign me up.
Brain Infection
Just got a call from Microsoft (scam) “support.”
I answered for some reason. Here’s how the fun transpired.
Fake MSFT: This is Nathan from Microsoft support and your computer has been detected to have malware and viruses and needs to be cleaned. Can I log in and help you out?
Me: Oh no! I also caught a virus from my computer. It just leapt out of the keyboard and straight into my brain. Check it: *makes beep boop noises*
Fake MSFT: Ah, uhhh, can you let me log on?
Me: To my brain? NO ONE WANTS TO GO IN THERE, THERE ARE MONSTERS! *louder beep boop noises*
Fake MSFT: *hangs up*
When I’m in the mood, I absolutely love fucking with scammers.
Good of All
These days the only mask I need is the masking I do so that my resplendent luminescence doesn’t accidentally bedazzle and blind mere mortals.
It’s a thankless task. But I do it for the good of all of you.
Off With
How about Old English?
Gif þu ne clappast, þu wilt beon beheafod.
(Lord, it’s been a long time since I studied Old English. I’m pretty sure the case is screwed but eh, close enough.)