Sometimes, I go to florida.arrests.org and for fun look up the county where I grew up to see how long it takes me to find someone I know – or rather, knew.

It usually does not take that long because I grew up in, let us say, less than savory conditions.

Take this one, for instance.

Arrested for battery? What a shocker.

I once chased this clown out of my house with a chainsaw when I was about 16.

Funny to think that in some video games people think it is badass to wield a chainsaw as a weapon. I’ve wielded one in real life that way. Heh.

If only I were making this stuff up. If only.