Fuck intuitive eating. Fuck at least half of this. Most of you do need to lose some weight.

Deliberate eating. Control yourself. Don’t be a lump. Aspire to something more than the bare fucking minimum and melding with your couch.

Why must we Americans ever strive for utter mediocrity? That might be your culture, but it’s not mine. Cancel me all you want — I’ll still be awesome and you won’t.