The good thing about if I ever became a billionaire is that I’m already as big a jerk as I’m ever going to be. It wouldn’t change me much. I’d probably just give away a lot of the money, not fake give it away like a lot of billionaires do.

People would still get angry at me, though, because I’d do an expedition to Mars just so I could put a pull-up bar on Hellas Planitia. And when people asked me, “Mike, why’d you put a pull-up bar on Mars?” I’d say, “DUH, so I could do a pull-up on Mars, what are you, some kind of dumbass?”

Well, you see what I mean.