As Emperor of Ohio, I will command a fleet of autonomous drones decorated in baroque style that hover ominously and mysteriously above the conquered lands of Indiana, Kentucky, and Pennsylvania https://t.co/ja9oV1bXCQ
— Noah Smith 🐇 (@Noahpinion) June 6, 2025
As emperor of Florida, I will field a fleet of alligator-toting drones that will swoop down when you offend me and allow Mr. Chompy and pals to rip your face off.
Do not trifle with Mr. Chompy.
The drones are also equipped with lightning rod darts to direct and harness ball lightning if we are hangry. It also disperses manchineel dust, ladybugs & pollen for a festive holiday landscaping effect. We film houses for flipping, special events, and innovate escape rooms with sinkhole features.
It sounds like we have a business! A special add-on will allow the drones to key your ex’s car, spray insulting yet misspelled graffiti, or deflate their tires.