Ima roll up to the Fed discount window and see if they’ll front me a few billion. Why not? Shoddier institutions than my bad self do it every day.

“What bank you with?” they’ll ask.

“Bank of Mike,” I’ll answer, hitting the button to drop the top on my teal ’64 convertible Cadillac Eldorado. “Just put the money in the back seat. I’ll see it gets to the right place.”

“Where’s the right place?” the discount window attendant will ask.

“My fat-ass bank account,” I’ll answer and then pull away, “Moneytalks” by AC/DC blasting on the stereo. Isn’t that how the discount window works? No? Ok, here’s how it really works. They do not accept 1964 Cadillac Eldorados for deposits, not even sweet teal ones. Damn.