I’m Leaving

Self-checkout is annoying for this very reason:

I only do this kinda crap when Iโ€™m alone as I donโ€™t like to drag anyone else into my clownery, but one time at a self-checkout some cheese wouldnโ€™t scan and no one was available to help. I waited for five minutes and then gave up, paid for the other items.

Then I walked out the door while half-shouting, โ€œIโ€™m leaving! If anyone wants to stop me, nowโ€™s the time!โ€ No one did and I got free cheese for wasting my motherfucking time. No one said or did shit. And Iโ€™d do it again. If anyone wants to lay a shoplifting charge on me for $5 of cheese, bring it. I have lots and lots of money for all the lawyers and Iโ€™m spiteful.